I recently took off 25 days in between changing jobs. I’m calling it my sabbatical. Here are some things I learned.
I don’t know how to relax.
I realized this when I went on an indefinite creative retreat in the woods of eastern Ontario. The setting couldn’t have been more conducive to deep, unfettered relaxation. A compound of luxury cabins on a picturesque lake, each with a view of the water, a gas fireplace, hammock chairs, a well stocked kitchens, the works. It was a 20 minute drive to the nearest town. A one stoplight kind of set up and at least 45 minutes to the nearest major city. The internet was strong enough to get work done but unreliable enough to not be able to count on it. By all measures I should’ve been able to settle in to a lazy routine but on day three I was still anxiously pacing about my little space, fretting over which “project” i should start first. Which of the three books I must get through today to stay on track for my goal of using my free time to read more. Or maybe I should write. Yea, gotta use this time to get some blog posts up. Or maybe I should write those way overdue thank you notes from my crowdfunding campaign. But if I start now I’ll be up all night…and so it went.
What I decided to do was nothing and it was way harder than I thought.
I sat down, no laid down on the couch with me hands folded over my chest deep in thought, “Joanna, you don’t have to do anything. You shouldn’t do anything. Lay here, breathe and look at the trees. Do this until you aren’t thinking about anything.”
And I did.
I laid there until I felt I was resting in the moment. Until I felt the stillness. Until should slipped away to be replaced with am.
I am at rest. Finally.